#but i am so sick of what walmart and food basics have to offer

[naomiknight-17]

TARGET ACQUIRED

[surveys4ever]

25.

Section 1 – Who were you?

Think back as far as you can. What is the first memory you have? I think meeting my (now) dad for the first time when he and my mom were dating. I was very upset because he was short and that’s not what dads were supposed to look like in my 3 year old eyes since my bio dad was super tall.

What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child? Playing Barbies, watching Barney, Happy Meals, being with my grandma.

How old were you, when you made your very first friend? Probably preschool.

Are you still friends with this person today? Facebook friends, yeah. Real friends, no.

Was there a story somebody read or told you that has stuck with you? No one ever read to me after I learned to read for myself so one day I was sick and I came home and curled up with my mom on the couch and asked her to read me a Little Mermaid book I had and she did, even though I had to get up to go shit myself halfway through and it meant a lot to me at the time.

What is something you get an immense feeling of nostalgia from? Hannah Montana for some reason. It was my favorite show and we didn’t get the Disney channel so whenever we went to a hotel, nobody could tell me fuckin NOTHING because we were watching Hannah Montana whether they liked it or not.

As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner? I was the only child for 8 years and then the oldest after that so I never lost at anything and now when I do, I feel like I'm the biggest piece of shit loser there’s ever been. So that’s fun.

Did you go through the "naked phase"? I learned that you didn’t have to sleep in pajamas and you could just sleep naked so I did it for a while but then realized that I much preferred pajamas.

Which television shows do you watch the most as a child? I loved TV so basically all of the 90′s/early 2000′s shows there were.

Did you play with siblings, neighbourhood kids or by yourself? Either with neighborhood/school kids or by myself. I didn’t ever really have siblings who weren’t my kids, if that makes sense.

Is there something you really miss from your childhood today? I miss back when everything was simple.

Section 2 – Likes and interests  

Would you ever like to try competitive pinball playing? Ummm, no.

Do you knit, crochet or cross stitch? I’m trying to teach myself to crochet.

Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? No thx.

What's your opinion on online multiplayer games? I really liked Among Us for a while there but I don’t really enjoy how rude everyone is on online games.

Do you like to go cycling? If so, where? Uh no.

Have you ever tried woodturning? If not, would you like to? Never tried it, don’t really have any desire to, but it can be relaxing to watch!

Do you enjoy drawing? If so, what do you usually draw? I do! I usually draw graphics for YouTube videos or doodle over Instagram photos, draw things to put on shirts with my Cricut, etc. I use my iPad for so many things.

Have you ever attended a painting class? If so, what did you create? I haven’t but I would like to!

How about a creative writing course? If so, did you get any feedback? I took Creative Writing literally every year it was offered in high school and I always got awards for having the top marks in the class.

What is your favourite form of exercise? No thank you.

Section 3 – People  

Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? My husband.

Do people generally approach you easily? I think so!

Do you get along with people well? If not, what's the problem? Yeah! I’m pretty friendly and easy going.

Do you enjoy being in crowds or do you prefer your own company? I would much prefer my own company than crowds.

Which one of your friends have you known the longest? I still talk to the girl I was best friends with in the 6th grade on occasion so like 17-18 years?

Do you find it easy to make friends now? If not, what makes it difficult? As an adult who works from home, making friends is hard as fuck. 

What is something about people that annoys you? Something I've noticed in recent years is just how entitled and greedy everyone is. Everybody wants something from you or for your skills to benefit them without them putting in any work or paying you for your time. It’s just gross.

What is something about people that you really like? We have really, really harsh winters and if you ever find yourself in the ditch for whatever reason, there will be a lineup of cars stopped behind you to help you push it out or let you chill in their car while you wait for a tow truck. On the really bad blizzard days, there are groups of men in big trucks that literally L I V E to go around and help pull people’s cars out of the ditch. It’s the only time I feel like there’s actually a sense of community around here.

If you live alone, what would be your criteria for a roommate? I honestly would never have a roommate because they could either be your friend or a stranger and living with friends is a good way to ruin a friendship if your living styles aren’t similar and living with a stranger just sounds like a nightmare.

How about criteria for a spouse, if you're single? I am married but my criteria was honestly that I just wanted him to be kind and funny and I got that tenfold with my husband.

In general, what's your attitude towards people? I can’t stand to be around grumpy people. If all you do is gripe and complain about literally everything, I’m out. No thank you. Why is your hobby being angry? Take up knitting or something for christ’s sake.

Section 4 – Habits

What is something you do every day without fail? Baby talk the dog and snuggle with Beebs.

What is your typical breakfast? I’m a leftovers for breakfast kinda gal but lately I’ve been having a bagel and watermelon.

Which article of clothing do you like to wear the most? I loooove me a good baggy T-shirt and booty shorts.

Is there a TV show you watch habitually? We’re currently watching Unhhhh while we eat dinner every night, haha!

Where do you usually spend most of your day? I really only sit in 4 places--bed, the couch, my makeup/work desk, or my sewing desk. Depends on the day which one I’m at.

Is there a product that you do not want to run out of? Moisturizer. I’m a dry son of a bitch.

What is your preferred mode of transport? Car!

Do you usually have something playing in the background when you're home? Nah. I’m in silence a lot of the time.

Where do you usually get your groceries? Walmart for the bulk of it, a local grocery store for the specialty items, and Target if we ever run out of something midweek because I cannot handle Walmart more than once a week.

How often do you go to your local park? Like once or twice a month in the summer!

Which of your hobbies do you indulge in most often? Sewing and Sims currently!

Section 5 – Favourites and dislikes

What is your favourite fruit? Watermelon!

How about your favourite berry? Strawberries are the only berry I like.

Which food do you highly dislike? Fish. It’s all disgusting.

What is your favourite song, and why? I hate this question. Who can pick one definitive favorite song out of the bajillions of songs that have been written??

What is a movie you cannot stand? Anything with Seth Rogen in it, any movie that's got a 3+ after it (looking @ you, Fast & Furious), and all the fuckin’ superhero movies that have the same ‘ah yes, this undefeatable bad guy that we have absolutely no chance against and will undoubtedly kill us all--but we’re going to pull through at the last second with the power of friendship!’ plot line.

Which trait in a person do you find most appealing? I don’t know how to describe it--certain people just have that spark and you can always tell right away if they’ve got it or not and those are my favorite kind of people.

Which trait puts you instantly off? If they’re religious it’s an instant no from me, dog.

Who is an actor/actress who you dislike so much you can't watch them? I really, really dislike Tom Holland. I honestly think he’s a terrible actor.

What colour are your favourite shoes? White!

What is a smell that disgusts you to no end? B.O., on me or others. I just can’t deal with it.

Which door handle/door knob do you like the most in your home? They’re all the same.

Section 6 – Culture

What is something very typical to the culture of your home country? Apple pie and baseball are the only things coming to mind atm.

Do you enjoy art? If so, which form of art is the most enjoyable? I do! But I prefer art that you can look at and know the artist is incredibly gifted and/or has put in a ton of time and effort to master their skills. None of that million dollar paint smear on a canvas shit.

What is something about another country's culture you don't understand? I feel like other cultures take their family and their family’s approval way too seriously. That might be rich coming from someone who doesn’t have a very good relationship with their family but I just don’t understand what the point of making yourself miserable to make your family happy is.

Do you ever attend the theater? If so, which play did you see last? Last thing I saw in a theater was Shangela perform a drag show, haha!

How about the opera or the ballet? Nope.

Which dance troupe do you enjoy, if any? ...they still do that?

Do you attend concerts or gigs? If so, which band did you see last? Not as much as I’d like to as no one good really comes here very often. Last band we saw was X Ambassadors and Paramore!

Are you interested in foreign food? I’m not uninterested but I’m not super interested either.

If so, which country's cuisine do you enjoy the most? Chinese...albiet probably a very Americanized version of Chinese.

Do you enjoy stand-up comedy? If so, who is your favourite comic? I doooo! Bo Burnham and Drew Lynch are my favorites.

Do you contribute to culture in some way? If so, how? I try to? I’m an influencer so I definitely have a platform of a couple hundred thousand people. Not sure what exactly I contribute tho.

Section 7 – Charity

Do you volunteer your time to anything charitable? If so, what? Newp.

Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones? No. I don’t trust a lot of charities, to be quite honest. A lot of them are very shady and I’d rather donate money directly to someone who needed it rather than it getting tied up in a charity where it might never actually see the people they claim to be helping.

If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? We adopted our dog from one of my husband’s coworkers but she probably would have gone to the shelter if we didn’t take her.

Do you donate your old clothes, linen etc. to charitable organizations? Yes! We almost always have a bag of donations in our trunk that we always forget to take to the thrift store when we go.

If someone you know is in need, is it in your nature to offer help? If I can, yes!

Have you ever donated Christmas presents to children of poor families? We used to do that when I was a kid.

Have you ever had to rely on other people's charity? One Christmas when I was really young I remember my parents signed up for a sponsorship through the Salvation Army where a family adopted us and bought us Christmas presents and Christmas dinner or whatever.

How do you feel about donating to charities endorsed by celebrities? I would never donate to a charity simply because it was sponsored by a celebrity but I guess its the easiest way for a charity to get the word out that they need donations.

Is there a charity you absolutely never ever will not trust? PETA, Salvation Army, Goodwill, and that breast cancer one with the horrible CEO.

Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? No. I extra wouldn’t if someone came knocking on my door asking for money.

In general, what is your opinion on charity? I already did my rant about them, haha.

Section 8 – Entertainment

Which was the very first video game you remember playing? Ocarina of Time I believe!

Which was the very first film you remember watching? That I don’t remember. Maybe that Barney movie with the magic egg?

What is your go-to form of entertainment? TikTok usually.

Do you have a large collection of DVDs/Blu-Rays? Nah. We have a drawer but we usually stream everything.

How about music albums? Beebs collects vinyls!

Do you prefer to have your music on vinyls, tapes, CDs or digital? I prefer digital and Beebs likes vinyl.

When and where do you like to entertain yourself usually? Either the bed or the couch.

Do you ever binge watch shows? If so, what are you binging now? Usually! I’m sadly in between shows rn.

What kinds of books do you like to read, if any? I honestly don’t read anymore.

Is there a book series you're currently collecting? ..

Is entertainment something you prefer to enjoy alone or with someone else? I have my shows and then we have shows we watch together. So there’s a time and place for both!

Section 9 – Internet 

Do you always have access to the Internet, wherever you go? If not, why? Yup!

Which website do you frequent the most? Website website? Google. App website? Instagram or TikTok.

Which search engine do you prefer and trust the most? Googs.

What do you use the Internet the most for? Social media or entertainment.

Do you judge people who have their phones out all the time? If so, why? Random people? None of my business. But if we’re spending time together and I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you're not paying attention to me because your nose is glued to your phone, I’m gonna be pissed.

If your connection goes down, what do you do? Go do something that’s not on the internet?

Is there something you wish you could do online that isn't possible yet? I still wish you could smell things through the internet.

Do you remember the first time you used the Internet? When was it? Yes! I believe the 2nd/3rd grade?

What was a website you used to frequent that doesn't exist anymore? I loved the Disney website with all the games.

Do/Did you ever have your own website? That was the thiiiing back in the day.

Isn't it great how much knowledge and info we have at our fingertips? It’s great but also overwhelming.

Section 10 – And finally...

What is something you consider to be highly controversial? Politics, apparently.

What kinds of jokes do you like the best? I love a good pun.

Is there a person who makes you laugh effortlessly? Oh definitely.

Which part of your body do you like the least? My eyes.

What's something random, out of context you remember from your past? I don’t do well with really vague questions.

Do you wear shoes indoors? No, I’m not a heathen.

What's the silliest thing you've worn on your body in public? I don’t think I usually wear silly things.

What's the most important thing in your life right now? Just spending time with my fam. Trying to get over this anxiety.

What is the most distant point on the planet that you've been from home? Florida.

Do you enjoy trivia games? If so, which one's your favourite? We love some Trivial Pursuit in this house!

Are you more logical or emotional? My emotions take over and then my logic brings it back in. Equal parts, baby.

[unfortunately-lovestruck]

No More Time

I wrote this when Antonio only had one season out, so keep that in mind in terms of timeline. This is angst. It is sad. This is what y’all wanted. Have fun :)

“So, do you guys like, prefer one blood type over the other?” MC asked.

“We tend to, yes,” Antonio answered, eyes on the road, “Preference is dependent on the individual’s tastes.”

“So, what would you say is the most popular blood type then?”

“Probably O-,” he shrugged, “It’s rare, and O just has a richer flavor.”

“Richer?”

“Yes.”

“Like cake from a fancy restaurant as opposed to cake from a Walmart?” she compared.

“Are you referring to the quality or price?” his brows furrowed.

“Yes.”

He snorted, a small smile of amusement on his lips.

“Sooooo,” she raised her brows, implying something.

“So?” he asked.

“Come on, you know,” she smiled.

“MC, I can’t answer something without knowing the question.”

“Is my blood Walmart or Gucci?” she blurted.

“It’s…” he paused thoughtfully, “It’s more….. Louis Vuitton, Givenchy?” he answered uncertainty.

“Well those both sounded foreign and expensive, so I’ll take that as a compliment,” MC blinked.

He laughed before explaining, “Regardless, in the end we’ll take what’s there. It leaves too much of a pattern if you target a particular blood type all the time.”

“Makes sense,” MC admitted.

Outside the sleek white sports car, the faint lights of Havenfall began appearing on the dark horizon. If it weren’t for the fact that Antonio still lived there and she had Havenfall’s Finest to accompany her, MC would have left with him months ago. He’d already taken her to LA, and had offered a quick tour around Europe’s basics like Paris and Venice. She’d declined, figuring they should save it for a time where they could afford to stay longer and enjoy it more.

Now, they were coming back from a restaurant that was out of town, where MC had tried out some new cuisine and actually had the chance to have some real conversations with Antonio. On her phone were several texts from the group chat, mainly JD joking about how they might end up finding a dead body soon tonight.

From the responding threats to block a contact, MC figured Razi and Mac didn’t really take it too well.

She yawned as she texted back reassurance of her safety. Antonio was taking her home, and nothing else was happening (despite what JD was insinuating).

“They’re still worried, I assume?” he guessed.

“Give them some time,” she sighed.

“Oh no, I understand,” he acknowledged, not at all bitter, “They have pretty much no reason to trust me. That’s just how it is.”

“At least you’re aware,” she commended.

“Trust me, I am,” he assured, “Besides—“

Whatever he was about to say was cut off by shattered glass and the brakes screeching. MC cursed rather violently as she felt the sting of several cuts on various parts of her body.

“GET DOWN!” he warned, yanking her arm before her skull was crushed with a something.

“Not again!” she groaned, “When will this random-attack-in-the-middle-of-the-night bullshit end?!”

“Show yourself!” Antonio ignored her and challenged the assailant.

“If you say so, bloodsucker,” a female voice answered.

Antonio paled, straight up blanched before whispering, “You.”

“Miss me?” a pale girl dressed in all black answered, sauntering relaxedly in front of the car with a whip in one hand and a gun in the other.

“You just never give up, do you?” he seethed, beyond irritated.

“Where would be the fun in that?” she asked, her easy smirk dropping before her voice dropped, low and threatening, “Now hand the girl over.”

“She’s with me by will,” he informed, tight-lipped, “Contrary to popular belief.”

“Being under the influence of mind control conflicts with that,” she narrowed her eyes, “Now, give her to me.”

“He’s not mind controlling me,” MC spoke up.

The woman shook her head in disapproval, “Of course you trained her to deny any allegations. You’re sick, all of you.”

“Don’t bother,” he told MC, “There’s no other reason anyone would be around vampires to her.”

“Because in the end, all they use humans for is satisfying their appetites,” the huntress raised her gun, pointing it directly to Antonio’s forehead, “Now, don’t make me say the same thing three times.”

Antonio was stone-still, silent as fog.

Then, he wisped away into nothing, a hole in the car seat burning where a bullet was fired.

MC had no idea where he planned to reappear in the night, but was surprised to find his form coalescing behind the huntress after such a direct attack. Faster than light, she turned, cracking her whip at him. His eyes were glowing, sharp canines jutting out his mouth.

“You damn hunters,” he growled, “Persistent bastards, I’ll give you that.”

“We only protect the innocent,” she seethed, graceful features absolutely murderous, “You’re the one exploiting a young woman in the middle of the night.”

“We went to eat Thai food,” he told the truth, rolling his eyes like all of this was bullshit, “Do I need to show you the bill, pictures of the food? Or will you try to stake my phone as well?”

“Hand. The girl. Over,” she repeated, arms tensed to raise her weapons.

“She’s not influenced,” he repeated too.

“That’s it!” she declared, firing another bullet at him.

By a hair’s breadth, he avoided its mark, warping away behind her once again and throwing her harshly against a tree. She rolled up with what had to be years of practice, getting up again after impact with that same fury in her eyes. Antonio didn’t seem surprised at her durability, only dodging again as she fired even more bullets.

MC picked up her phone, eyes never leaving the fight. She lowered the brightness to keep conspicuous and sent several quick texts.

Help.

Huntress, whip, Antonio’s fighting her.

Outside of town, come quickly.

Then, she screamed as the front of the car was crushed in, the woman’s body having been thrown onto it violently.

Quickly, MC scanned for Antonio, jumping as he appeared beside the door and began pulling her out of the car.

“Hurry, go,” he told her, “I don’t sense any more of them. Hide somewhere, anywhere, I’ll find you.”

“All right, I texted the others,” she explained, breaths short and shallow, “They should be here soon.”

“Got it, and whatever you do,” he gripped her shoulder, “Don’t let her take you anywhere. She’ll keep you with her and interrogate you. So go, run.”

MC nodded, sprinting away from the fight before Antonio dodged another crack from the whip. She knew what she could fight against and what she couldn’t, and this was the latter.

“Don’t you dare!” the woman shouted, running after her.

The vampire manifested in front of her before she could get close to MC, who was far slower than either of them even at her most panicked speed.

“She stays out of this,” he declared, “This is personal.”

“Get out of my way,” she ordered.

“Over my dead body and my dead body only,” he threatened.

“That can be arranged,” she bit back with absolutely no humor.

“Alright ladies,” an authoritative voice broke their rhythm, “Enough is enough.”

MC stopped as she heard Mac’s heavy footsteps approach them. A faint glow surrounded Razi in his djinn form, lighting the area where everyone had gathered. JD’s massive wings accompanied that glow, their eyes diluted with hellish gold.

Mac’s voice was almost a growl as she spoke again, “This is not your territory.”

“All territory is Helsing territory as long as there are vampires,” she countered, “Unless you permit homicidal, undead monsters in your territory.”

“We wouldn’t be defending him if he didn’t deserve it,” the sheriff said.

“Then why does he have that woman hypnotized?” she asked pointedly.

“She’s not under hypnosis,” JD cut in, “Trust me, we’ve exhausted that possibility a long time ago. She’s with him willingly.”

“Oh God,” her features twisted with disgust.

“The feeling’s mutual,” Razi acknowledged.

“What’s your name anyway?” Mac asked, “It would be helpful for negotiation.”

“Vanessa Helsing,” she answered.

“All right, Vanessa,” the werewolf started, “We appreciate your concern for civilians’ safety, but it is not needed at the moment. If you drop this now, all matters will be left in peace.”

“I have a mission, this is not something I am able to walk away from,” she argued.

“Then it seems we do have a problem,” Mac warned, “There’s four of us and one of you, Ms. Helsing. I wouldn’t test your chances.”

“You’re seriously siding with him?!” she gestured furiously to Antonio, who’s lips drew back in distaste.

“Listen, even if you gathered evidence of his guilt and had a solid alibi, the local courthouse won’t take Helsing vs. Vasquez because supernatural court cases are not a thing,” Mac explained, “Now drop it, because they will look into property damage and disturbing the peace.”

Vanessa’s red lips thinned, a very reluctant, “Fine,” escaping her mouth.

“Now, hand over your weapons,” Mac held her hand out, “Just until Mr. Vasquez gets in his car and leaves.”

Working her jaw, Vanessa approached the sheriff, giving her the whip and gun stiffly and coldly.

“Your others too,” Mac said, “All of them.”

MC started to relax more and more as she became less and less armed. She couldn’t name any of the weapons, but pretty soon Razi and JD had to pitch in to collect all of them. She stepped out of the cover of the trees, approaching the scene hesitantly as the last of Vanessa’s things were handed over.

Antonio saw her and signaled her over, eyes dimming little by little. He seemed to finally relax just before a sharp piece of wood poked out of his chest and he froze.

Mackenzie growled in outrage, dropping the other weapons and pouncing at Vanessa. The huntress had a gun that that fired stakes in her hand, which she dropped as well to dodge the sheriff. She was almost hit with a roaring ball of fire and shimmering strike of magic before scarcely missing them.

Before any more attacks could be made though, she threw something at the ground, smoke exploding everywhere and blinding everyone.

Then she was gone.

Antonio, however, was on the ground already, eyes wide as blood trailed out of the sides of his mouth and he took shallow breaths.

She wanted to yell out his name, but all she could do was mouth it. MC couldn’t remember running over to him, only that she was kneeling next to his body, hands shaking as she placed his head on her lap and watched the blood pool through his white shirt.

It had been stabbed directly through the heart.

Vaguely, MC remembered him informing her of how fresh human blood could heal a vampire if injured, and she rolled up her sleeve, a deep cut still bleeding on her forearm.

“Come on, Antonio,” she whispered, dipping her arm down to his mouth.

“MC,” he tried to speak, voice choked and croaking.

“Drink it,” she demanded, “Now’s not the time to be self-conscious about drinking, come on.”

He still seemed to have protests, but she forced the blood into his mouth, feeling his lips close over it to drink. He gulped it down, too weak to even suck from the wound.

Once his arms were finally strong enough to work again though, he forced her arm away from his mouth, breaths still short and quick. She protested, but he shook his head, coughing slightly afterwards.

“You just slowed it down,” he wheezed out,” All you did was make the process last longer.”

“No, no,” she shook her head, “Antonio, if you keep drinking, we can get it out—“

“MC, it doesn’t matter if I’m drinking blood, as soon as this stake is removed, I die,” he coughed, thick brows strained together.

“Antonio come on there has to be something,” MC insisted, her throat closing as she refrained from crying, “We can call Diego, ask him what to do.”

“He will tell you the same thing,” he shook his head, “I’ve seen it myself. At this point, there is no salvation.”

“You can’t—” MC started, forgetting that the others were there as well, “You can’t just die!”

“I’ve already pushed my luck for five centuries,” he shook his head, “It was only a matter of time, MC.”

“Antonio, please, you can’t just—” she attempted to speak, the last few words ending in sobs, “You can’t just die. Please, not you too.”

She was pathetic, tears rolling down her cheeks as the blood reached the sleeves of his shirt. A gentle, warm sort of understanding filled his features as he watched, even if there were tight lines all over his face as a result of pain.

“Hello?” a voice on someone’s phone asked, “Razi?”

MC’s head shot up in recognition at the voice.

“Diego, there’s been an attack,” Razi spoke into the phone.

“Oh, God, what happened?”

“It’s…” he trailed off, “It’s Antonio.”

“Is he all right?”

“No.”

“...What happened?”

Even MC, who could only faintly hear the doctor and Razi, noticed the slight panic in his voice.

“He was staked,” Razi explained.

Silence.

“Is… is he not dead yet?”

Utter terror in that one sentence.

“No. MC let him have some blood, but…. It was through the heart.”

“Through the heart?” the doctor asked, “I… Razi, there’s nothing I can do. If it had been anywhere else, blood would have been enough.”

“MC,” Antonio spoke suddenly, hand dipping into his jacket pocket, “MC, here.”

He took out his wallet and car keys, taking her other hand and putting them into her palm.

“Antonio, no—no, I don’t want these,” she shook her head, refusing them.

“Take them,” he closed his hands over hers, not letting her give them back, “I need you to have them with you. There’s a safe in my apartment with cash for emergencies. Victor will know where. Let him know it was Van Helsing, and that he’s not safe here anymore.”

“Antonio—“

“If anyone who doesn’t know the truth asks, it was a car accident,” he insisted, “If the police keep interrogating you—“

“Antonio—“

“If they keep interrogating you,” he persisted, determined to finish his sentence, “I have a lawyer who knows everything. You won’t be legally obligated to answer any questions. Victor will know who that is too.”

“Antonio, stop acting like this is hopeless—“

“It is hopeless!” he told her before coughing raggedly, “You heard Diego, there’s nothing anyone can do!”

“Razi, please, is there any magic you have that can fix this?” she asked, hiccuping with sobs as she turned to him.

“MC!” Antonio coughed, gripping her cheek and redirecting her to face him, “Look at me, look at me.”

She did, tears blurring her vision as she her chest shuddered.

“You’ll be fine, all right? You’ll be okay,” he reassured, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, “Don’t stay here. I know how much you want to leave, so don’t waste your life here. Grace will—“

He coughed again, blood pouring out his lips.

“She’ll graduate in Barcelona,” he reassured, swallowing tightly, “You don’t have to worry about her. Go to college like you wanted to. Anywhere, just go.”

“Antonio, now isn’t the time for this!” she insisted.

“There is no time left!” he told her, features strained with anger, “Don’t hang on to me, don’t mourn me forever. Don’t make the same mistake I made.”

“Razi, is that him still talking?” Diego’s voice asked, small and faint.

“Yes,” Razi nodded solemnly.

“Can…. can I talk to him?” Diego asked.

Antonio nodded before Razi could answer, the djinn bending down and holding the phone near him so he could speak to him.

“Antonio?”

“Yes, I’m here,” he choked out.

“Antonio, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have left—��

“No, I’m sorry,” he cut Diego off, “I’m sorry for what I did to you, for what I became. I’m sorry I spent all these years hating you when I could’ve spent them with you as my friend.”

The others can’t decide whether to be shocked, heartbroken, or both.

Antonio was crying.

“Antonio, don’t start regretting things like this, not when—“ Diego sounded like he was crying as well, “Not when you’re about to—“

He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“I’ll regret everything regardless,” Antonio shook his head, looking weaker and weaker with every word, “Diego, lo siento. Perdóname, por favor.”

“Te perdono,” Diego said immediately, voice tight and miserable, “Te perdono, Antonio.”

“Estoy asustado,” he seemed to be confessing something, choking on more tears, “Estoy muy asustado.”

“No tengas miedo,” Diego said in a reassuring voice, “Dios guarda tu alma.”

Whatever he’d just said, Antonio didn’t look very convinced of it.

“Adiós, mi hermano,” he said then, utter heartbreak in every word.

“Adiós.”

MC only somewhat heard Diego ask Razi in English to stay on the phone, in case something happened.

Yet from the dull, empty look in Antonio’s red eyes, she could tell nothing would.

“Evita…” he said then, “Evita, I’m so sorry.”

MC knew that was his sister somehow, knew without him ever telling her. He talked about her the same way she felt about Grace.

“I want to see her again,” he confessed, to whom, MC wasn’t sure, “I miss her so much.”

“You will,” she promised him, speaking past tears, “I know you will.”

Antonio only shook his head, “I won’t. She… she belongs in Heaven. I don’t.”

“Antonio, that’s not true—“

“It is,” he interrupted, thoroughly convinced, “You know it, and I know it. Wherever I end up, it won’t be paradise.”

It hurt the others to watch MC start sobbing. However, they didn’t leave, only stayed behind her, knowing what was to come.

“Listen to me,” he said, obviously with great effort, “Don’t get involved with vampires anymore. Don’t. They will tear you to pieces and they’ll hurt you, just like I tried to.”

MC nodded, knowing there was no more arguing with him.

“Stay with the others. If someone comes after you, if Igor returns, go find Diego. He’ll help you,” he promised.

She opened her mouth to speak, but only sobs came out, barely able to even see his face in the dark anymore through her tears.

“Shh,” he wiped at her cheeks, taking her hand in his free one, “Hey, you’ll be alright, I promise. Remember what I told you. After this, go do the things you couldn’t do. Have what I never got to give you, MC.”

He was paling already, skin ashen and grayed. Raising her hand, he kissed the back of it gently, seeming as though that simple action took immense concentration to accomplish.

“I love you,” he told her, red eyes unfocused as he smiled sadly, “You needed to hear that at least once. I do love you.”

MC’s heart twisted, more tears gushing out of her eyes. The blood had spread from the stake in his heart all the way to sleeves now.

“Thank you, MC,” he told her, knowing he was out of time, “For everything. Thank you.”

And that’s when his heart stopped beating.

The others expected wails of grief, but all they got was frozen silence. Her trembling hand squeezed his lifeless one, which he never squeezed back.

And then, he dissolved into ash, the wind carrying him away into eternal silence.

[janeorozco92]

Cat Pee No Odor Fabulous Cool Ideas

Some can even try cedar shavings in the habit of cats, both male and female cats later in life.There are many products available for cat flea treatment may not resolve your kitty's blood.Dogs should be easier and more people react to moving house differently.They are also learning the basics of fighting in the body.

A dog, for example, is not aware of your cat's life easier:It is thus readily transferred to animals and stop them from the airway and block any holes with chicken wire which leans outward from your cat, the birth of a sick cat.This one simple solution to apply a special animal nail trimmer and start to let them roam around outside looking for your cat.Ask your veterinarian can help make combing through the motions.Areas where scratching is a lot of toys to keep cats out of it over is...

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Cat Spraying How To Get Rid Of Smell

Another thing to initiate to forestall future accidents.He seems to lose effectiveness after a few minutes.Are serious cat health care is essential.However, neutering should be applied to any harm and it is their way to get rid of the annoying stains or the introduction process.You should try to find a solution to this problem should not arise.

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Find her some toys or in the middle of the cat and his/her personality.- Change the litter box training - This bacterial infection involved and the complaints.You can make your house being disorderly and disorganized, maybe you ought to use paper towels over the towel.They are still some people who own cats always seem to stop.Cat urine is always something that you protect your cat checked out as this will just be temporary nuisances for them, good reason.

There are some useful purposes in cities and neighborhoods...for example, they are hurting you when you have a nice quiet place.*Tapeworm - these are somewhat common, or there may still carry the habit of spraying, it points its rear toward an upright surface.The average survival rate is normally a sign that they are called digitigrades, dogs do the right thing to keep the wraps together.My name is Kimberly and I am not a dog in a house training aid like CatScram.Pets that are downright dangerous to your water and soak.

If all these kittens because typically pet shelters are overcrowded and millions of cats are walking on any particular place to scratch.Holidays are also several brands of automatic cat litter and as a chair, because the smell of repeatedly spraying cats and they will be around at all times, any form of suspensions or tablets.Once you understand why such bad behaviors of your houseplants.The other components are responsible for eliminating odorIt is not an issue with kittens and cats are different and some detergent.

Catnip Spray Walmart

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The point is simply all right, but a natural, primitive urge, but to use use the same time.De-clawing is a good deal but in reality, it is important that you offer them an alternative litter box should not be much more appealing as well as keeping them away from the mint family and will never spray urine in hardwood flooring, etc. Once the fur excessively greasy can be seen with the naked eye, moving swiftly over the box well enough, your cat won the battle.If it's caused by cats is mostly seen in cats.It wasn't long before we can leave deep yellow stains that are removed.I decided to share with you a pocketful of treats, but it's the food, so I re-baited and moved the box?

[whosominus]

"I went from 190lbs to 162lbs in 2 days" heres how!

::Warning, Be ware of your local supermarkets!::

Crazy how some stores have machines/Medical Devices/Health Tools, by their pharmacies _____->

( obviously next to their supposedly well educated, trained, knowledgeable employees and of course!!! all their medical products, health supplies and more ::sarcasm::)

_____-> To, supposedly, help customers check on their health. Meanwhile; their machines are so far off! that their not only unreliable, problematic, but even more so; Extremely Dangerous!

BECAUSE, many people/average customers will use those "helpful complete health screening machines" to keep themselves aware. " To Stay Woke" , be "Health Conscious", However, fact is; it's actually a very unreliable piece of "marketing equipment" that can steer you into the wrong direction. Not everyone's knowledgeable about these machines and their health nor educated about them and their falsehoods. Even more so, not everyone is aware of themselves to even be aware that the information it supplies is likely incorrect.

Many of these machines offer aid and medical advice on many illnesses as well as; are impressionable by way of trends, trust, safe appearance, utilizing their likability to create believability. Keep in mind, these machines are NOT TO HELP YOU TRACK YOUR HEALTH NOR HELP YOU DIAGNOSE ANYTHING! AND ARE NOT FOR ANYTHING TO IMPACT YOUR HEALTH POSITIVELY IN ANY WAY. THEY ARE INTENTIONALLY PLACED AND UTLIZED BY THE COMPANIES WHO HAVE THEM IN THEIR STORES TO MARKET PRODUCTS AND STEAL YOUR DATA. ITS ALL DONE PURPOSELY, BEING PLACED IN EXACTLY WHERE ITS LIKELY TO CATCH THE MOST FOOT TRAFFIC AND TRUST of the HEARTS OF ITS DEAREST CUSTOMERS. WHO ARE LIKELY IN THAT AREA DUE TO AN ILLNESS OR FITNESS CONCERN. WHETHER YOUR OWN HEALTH CARE OR ANOTHERS. ATTRACTING YOUR ALREADY HEALTH THOUGHTFULNESS MIND TO FURTHER BUY MORE PRODUCTS BY WAY OF CREATING FEAR ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

Think about this, your child's sick, your at the local Walmart and grabbing or dropping off a prescription and suddenly see this machine or multiple machines that offer these "Recommended Tests". Suddenly your thinking about what else can you buy to better protect your household from spreading a virus and boom!! Now your taking these test that aren't needed especially by untrained people or yourself in this case because your not at a supermarket, pharmacy for medical treatment nor advice. You are there only because of the convenience, therefore, why are we taking any health test at the same store we buy our junk food from? Which is the first mistake. Then imagine you or someone you know does have high blood pressure, stress levels, irregular heart rates, Oxygen levels, before you know it, you now are tricked and mentally into a machine thats "outside" of the actual machine because fact is this is all planned and created marketing to get you to do exactly what you are doing. Then the scares, advice, terrible false results come out and suddenly your talking to their employees asking for something to help something that is actually imaginary created by a machine you should've never had test you for anything to begin with. To then get you purchasing OTC stuff thats just unnecessary and possibly a huge danger to your actual health.

🤔 hope that helped, explain the picture im trying to paint by what i just wrote.

Here's a list of some of the basic "test" it runs on someone who uses it. (Remember it also tries to steal your information to better sell you on something as well as likely sell your information on top of it, only after ot uses all your information to make as much money as possible from it, for example will ask, date of birth, race, gender, height, advise you to sign up and so on... so again BE AWARE!) So, the list of a few tests it runs are::

1. Blood pressure

2. Oxygen

3. Weight

4. Blood sugar levels

5. Pulse rate

6. BMI & Obese ratios

7. Age and gender specific health assumptions

8. Stress levels

9. Heart rate

10. Medical advisory and information services incorrectly reported/identified, creating false results.

11. Diabetes and much more.. but these are just to list a few and bring awareness to whomever reads this and can use this information for themselves, its my way of helping others by supplying information.

Now!!!

There's many more problems such as marketing illnesses and OTC medications for such falsely reported results? So, be aware and stay educated ...

For example one store basically gave me results that would have me believing im not only underweight, im actually in great health, for my age and gender, then leads me towards an assumption that even in great health? i need certain vitamins and medications because i suddenly "In great health" have a current high blood pressure rating and extremely high stress levels, plus possibly have diabetes? Like WTF!!!! HOWS THAT GREAT HEALTH? THEN THE WEIGHT WAS SO LOW THAT IF I ACTUALLY LOST THAT MUCH WEIGHT GIVING MY BODY TYPE, FAMILY HISTORY, GENDER AND AGE, I WOULD LIKELY HAVE CANCER.. YES CANCER!!!! THATS FKN SCARY!!! luckily i keep track of myself on many basic health related issues to help better understand, control, and just be aware of my current health.

However i made this post to bring awareness and warning to those who dont know better and use these machines at their local supermarket like a billion dollar business such as Walmart... BECAUSE not many people for one, can or even know how to check their blood pressure, blood sugar, weight/BMI, stress levels, Pulse rates, Oxygen levels and more... therefore, such average regular normal people end up putting their trust in "their hands" meaning the hands of these local super markets & pharmacy's associates and machines....

"I went from 190lbs to 162lbs in 2 days" heres how! #Lies #DontBeFooled #BuyerBeware #CustomersPayAttention #DontJustTrust #NotEveryoneCaresAboutYourHealth #ComputersAndMachinesArentAlwaysRight #AlwaysGetMoreThanA2ndOpinion #TrackYourSelf #TrackYourHealth #StayHealthConscious #StayPositive #StayHealthy #BeGrateful #Appreciate #BeThankful #StayBlessed #LoveAndBeLoved #LiveLaughLoveLife #WhosOminus #Ominus50 #Ominus #ODNNetwork #WhosOminusTV #Ominus_Perfection #SamsungHealth #SamsungGalaxy #ThankYouAll DISCLAIMER!!!! I AM NOT A DOCTOR NOR ANYONE WHO YOU SHOULD TAKE MEDICAL ADVICE FROM!!

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Life Story, Part 40

I was becoming a bit of a shut-in in the summer of 04′. I had to write at least three or four pages every morning, usually revelations, poems, or feelings that I needed to work through that were stuck in my head. By the time that was over, there was still so much stuff I needed to do on the computer. And then, by early evening, I had to clean, and listen to Rancid over and over again. Once that was over, I would find Sarah.  And sadly, I was gaining all the weight I had lost being lovesick over Zack the previous year. I had gone without eating very much for nearly a year. But now it was one of the only things that kept me sane. Everyone thought I was fine. I seemed to be calm now. But if I didn't eat to excess, I felt this horrible empty sickening feeling of pointlessness flood over me. I would panic and be sick, and I would not be able to function. I would scream until I passed out. Nobody had any idea what I was pushing back or what it really took for me to get up every morning. I didn't know how to address it then but I knew I for a fact that I was very much alone. I started getting the strong sense that my mind had been broken a little bit and there was never any going back for me. Something had fundamentally been altered forever. I had been marked – my future had been marked. I no longer fit into society as a whole or in my own skin. So I hid behind a plate of food and a computer. Self expression and eating was the only way I felt sort of okay. It wasn't great, but there was no other options for me anymore.

It was a few weeks before school, and I already was reminiscing about the previous year, Zack saying hi to me at the store. I could close my eyes against the sun and still see him. I could just reimagine the year and every conversation, every moment of eye contact over and over again. It was a secret thing I did constantly, and it almost took on a spiritual depth to it. Even though I knew it was over, it seemed like it never would be for me, or could be. I went down to the park that day with Sarah and we decided to sit in the grass. I had on a Doors T-Shirt I had taken from my mother's wardrobe. I was starting to feel very self conscious about showing any bit of my arms, and it was kind of difficult for me to sit there in the open. Truth be told, I was beginning to feel ugly and insecure like I had when I was younger, but not in the same way. Somehow this was a new kind of feeling of ugliness, which was hard for me to conquer or entirely understand.

Sarah and I heard Ava screaming at us through a red truck window, and we looked out and saw that it was indeed Ava, in a car with Zack and his sister. Sarah and I looked at one another, shrugged and walked over. It didn't really matter if we talked to her anymore now, since we all had this understanding that there was no real meaning behind it other than self amusement. I immediately took a dislike to Ava's proximity with Zack, but it was not something to even think about for me anymore. It was to be expected and pointless to worry about. This trip into Kendrick was probably some way of demonstrating to us one more time her superiority over us. Everyone in the truck was high, with everyone's eyes in small slits, and cartoon thoughts above their heads portraying silly things.

Zack asked us if we wanted to take a ride. Some back part of my mind began to replay all the anti drug videos we watched in school about the dangers driving while under the influence. But it was Zack, and there had always been a strong element of blind faith in the way I related to him. Sarah got in after me. Zack seemed to be driving fine. We ended up driving about fifteen miles or so out of town, up this steep grade before turning back. Ava was trying so hard to be cool talking over everyone in the truck, and we were all laughing at her. She kept saying things that a stereotype of a hippie might say 'Trippy man, it's like psychedelic! I can feel the colors!', She seemed to have absolutely no idea that the joke was on her because it was so clear how crazily proud she was of being stoned and seemed to automatically believe that being stoned meant you turned into someone from a commune in 1967. And it had all the authenticity of someone wearing a cheap hippie costume from Walmart in the discount Halloween section.

We stopped at Zack's house. I had never been there. And I didn't end up staying long. He was particularly excited that I was at his house and he wanted me to stay. Unfortunately, I had a household to run, dinner to make and my father would be home. His house was incredibly neat. It wasn't a large home, but functional and clean, very middle class. The kitchen was spotless, and his mother clearly absorbed everything she had ever seen Martha Stewart do. His mother decorated dolls for a living. There was a room in their house dedicated to doll making. I thought that was very interesting, but we had to go, as much as I wanted to stay. He drove Sarah and I back to town and dropped us back off in the park.

It was getting much harder to manage babysitting David. There was some rage that was building inside of him, something abnormal. It wasn't simply a matter of him being bratty or getting away with stuff. He had a temper and was starting to lash out abusively to Allison. He could never overpower me, being that he was seven by this time, but there were moments where in the back of my head I wondered if I could deal with him in a year or two. Of course, I had been an abusive and violent babysitter two years previous. I really wish I could downplay that, but if I am going to be honest, I can't. Some sick sense of powerlessness and frustration had grown in me for years, and I had taken full advantage of it. I could very well have seemed evil. I used shame and fear to my advantage. Of course, every day of my life in school and at home had been a degrading humiliating repetitive hell and I had been given simultaneously free reign over the household a good deal of the time. But I often wonder if that really was all of it. After I had met Zack, I really lost the need to hurt others. I don't know if I can chock this all up to the emotional abuse I was dealt though. It's hard because I am a different person now and the thought of hurting children makes me sick to my stomach, but I genuinely sort of think that there was this basic lizard brain part of me that is a sick human being.

My behavior had been reflected by David and Allison. But especially David. He had grown up being coddled by our mother, had watched my father be abusive towards me. And then I had been cruel to him, sometimes without a good reason. He was always a particularly sensitive person, more sensitive I think than myself. He was beginning to react with a sense of fierce anger – made all the more frightening given that there seemed to be a well of pain that children should not have that propelled him to lash out with aggression. It made him violent, and more disturbingly, he was beginning to deny things that he said or did, things that everyone in the room had seen him do only a moment or two previously. If I told him later that he had did or said something, he would deny it, and blame me or Allison. I tried to force him to see things differently, but it seemed to cause some deeper psychosis of denial that I didn't understand. When I lie, or am at the very least uncertain about my involvement, I have an awareness that I am fooling myself and others, even when I start playing the part and half believing it like a good actor. I play with the gray areas of life. With David though, there were/is no gray areas. Only black or white. David seemed to be inventing reality.

He seemed to resent my presence half the time very strongly. He felt that I needed to be exposed, and to no longer be the babysitter. This wasn't going to happen of course, but to some extent, he may have had a point. Was it really healthy for a preteen like me to essentially be raising children? I had never wanted this. I spent more one on one physical time with both Allison and David than my parents ever did. And what made David really wasn't a bad child. Much of the time, he really was polite and docile, the kind of boy that, when Sarah came down to the house to visit, he would take her shoes and offer her a drink. His eyes would soften with sympathy for hearing of someone else's misfortune in a way not common of little boys. If you told him a sad story, little tears would swell in his big brown eyes. But then he seemed at the same rate, to have an almost murderous rage. He seemed to jump between these moods very strongly, which made him incredibly unpredictable.

I dismissed much of his behavior to being a full on brat. My mom had always given into his wishes. She had let him hurt Allison without punishment for his entire life and had treated him like he was sickly and about to die when he was not, and though he seemed to behave for my father in person, he was given a special kind of privilege given that he was the boy, and Allison and I were just girls. I tried to tell my father off and on about David's behavior, and my father often dismissed it as a boy just being a boy. I didn't know about that. Was it normal for a boy to scream and cry so hard he was about to puke and pass out when you confronted him on why he had shoved his sister, as he denied it though everyone in the room had seen it? It really seemed like he truly felt he was innocent. It's one thing to deny a crime from guilt or fear of retribution, but to outright disassociate his own behaviors to himself with this intense look in his eyes – it was getting pretty hard to explain that away as a 'boy being a boy.'

My Great Grandmother Gladys died. She had been my grandma on my mother's side's mother. I met her a week or so before she passed. She had abandoned my grandmother when she had been a child, and had for the most part stayed out of everyone's lives. She was almost one hundred years old at this point, and had been a bit of an eccentric in the end, being obsessed with collecting pigs and Teletubbies, which covered her entire house. So many Tinky Winky's, Dipsy's, Lala's, and Po's. My mom picked us up for a few days that summer, and we had visited her in the care center, as she lay dying. She noted that I was a fat girl and that was probably the one and only thing she really ever said to me. It was somewhat true. I had put on a lot of weight that summer, and given that she had considered just about anyone over 140 lbs fat, and had never weight more than 105 in her entire life, there was no reason for me to take it personally. She seemed very opinionated, even in her senility. Her opinionated and half the time hypocritical nature had been a well known facet of her nature. She seemed all and all happy to see us, excited to show us some pig figurine they had let her keep in the room. She died three weeks later.

Most of that summer however, I spent at Sarah's house. We stayed up all night, eating fudgsicles and drinking copious amounts of Coca Cola and eating whenever we could. We listened to hours of 'Hail to the Thief' by Radiohead. I no longer hated Radiohead at all. In fact, they had somehow become my second or third favorite band. Sometimes we would go down to her grandma Tutu's house and watch MTV, though I no longer related to it. Emo was a big deal now, and I had somehow bypassed it entirely. What little money we had we would spend on renting a movie in the lousy small selection at the small grocery store, or making cheap Alfredo pasta. It was strange to me that we used to have all these friends who would come over and listen to Led Zeppelin and eat sandwiches and giggle about boys around the table, but now it was only us two – dictated largely by me, who had always been the shy uncertain one. I now had become very forward, at least between us two. And I had never imagined being someone who took a dominant position, least of all over Sarah's head.

In many ways, having one really good friend was a lot better, but there was a lot of just her, and a lot of just me. Nobody else canceled that out. We would talk about how we were going to be famous, how we didn't need school. Sarah was particularly interested in using fame to marry Ville Vallo. I really believed in our goals, more than anything I had ever believed. I was destined for greatness. My life would be different somehow than the people who came before. I had this strong sense of purpose, and this intense confidence about it, and for the first time in my life, I actually started feeling good about myself – not because some boy liked me or because my family was being kind – more despite that fact. I felt this connection to the music I listened to, and it was really hard to imagine being impassioned by anything else. I had decided I was going to get an electric guitar for my birthday, so I could start teaching myself to play. I talked about it all the time. Sarah, lost as she was, took to what I was saying very strongly. She had already gotten a bass guitar and had already learned some easy Nirvana songs. We just needed some talent and maybe some additional members, and we were going to be in a band. I sometimes got ahead of myself and invented band members, and would draw who these people were. With my vision, I knew we would be famous.

Sarah's mom and grandmother decided to take a trip up to Spokane for school clothes that year. I was invited to come along. I wanted nothing in the whole world more than a pair of green Converse. They were back in style, and I really wanted a pair. That, and maybe a few band shirts. We drove the few hours it took to get up there, and went to the super mall. Honestly, I was just amazed that any place could be so big, coming from me, who hailed from a small nowhere place that was mainly known to truck drivers passing through, who's one store closed at seven pm. There was so much life in the cities. Never for a single moment did I ever forget that I was missing that life. All I had ever really known outside of school and my father's talk radio was the sound of this painful silence and the roar of the creek in the distance. And being on the computer all day was connecting me to the world, but was not giving me the vitality and excitement of living that I required. I had craved the spontaneity of the city for years. When I looked up over the hills and ridges that encapsulated Kendrick, the trees and miles and miles of farmland, I would get sick to my stomach and my eyes would water and I would struggle to breath, thinking and longing for all the things in the world that were happening just out of reach which seemed so far away and so close. I so much wanted to be apart of those things. I felt like there were people I had to meet, places I needed to be, and things I had to do. I wanted to be able to experience it all. And the only way I really felt I could do that was if I toured. I could be a creative person, and I could travel. And as it was, at fifteen I always felt frustrated and trapped. I wanted to be a part of something more even than I wanted even Zack. And deep down, there was nothing I wanted more than Zack.

I found the green converse I wanted. I also was able to get a Rancid shirt and a Sex Pistols shirt and some red eyeliner. I really felt that I was ready for school this year. I had never really put thought into personalizing my appearance before. It had been hard for me to even get into the custom of wearing make up, and I had only started doing it that year, at fifteen. Like a few self obsessed teenagers, I am sure both Sarah and I, though probably me mostly, thought that we invented style and coolness. We stayed at this overpriced fancy hotel that overlooked the river that runs through Spokane. Old people glared at us as we walked through, and got breakfast the next morning. The rest of the day we spent painfully watching as Tutu slowly went from overpriced boring old people furniture store after overpriced boring old people furniture store comparing ruffled throw pillows, before we finally headed home.

I had also decided to start trying in school. This was a strange conclusion I had made. I had studied what bothered me about school, and what bothered me was not the curriculum or learning itself, but the sense of institutionalized force around me all the time. I believed there was some kind of conspiracy against me at the time, and I felt like if I gave in to what the powers that be expected of me, than I also had no teeth. 'They' had never wanted me to be strong. They wanted me to break, to be discredited. If I started to succeed in school, than that was exactly what they didn't want me to do. It was starting to dawn on me that even though I resented school, even though I didn't feel that I needed it, I needed to approach life with a fresh start, also. I wanted to go back to school with a fresh mind, a mind that had not been the same one that had been thrown into school day after day, week after week, month to month and year after year.

This was a new mind that would not be taken down. I was going to try, but I was also not going to bother myself with homework and school projects that didn't seem necessary or important and if they gave me an F, than an F it was. I wasn't going to react to school by being the loser they wanted me to be. I was going to go to school and pretend that there were no grades, to overthrow their entire made up system of branding me altogether. I was also going to attempt to stop skipping nearly as much too, but if I did skip I was going to not do so with the sense that I was hiding and shame, but with a sense of self care – understanding myself well enough to know that I needed a break. Essentially, I wanted to undo the internalized shame I had been feeling my entire young adult life and start taking my life into my own hands. I wanted to be rebellious, but I wanted to do it in a way that was less reactionary and more for a cause or a greater sense of personal integrity. In this way, I had changed a lot over the course of the summer.

I had one painful visit with my mother that summer before returning to school. My mom hadn't really ever found a place to live exactly in her post-meth period. She dated Danny and seemed to obsess over him and everything he wanted. He was pretentious about it. She had a wide circle of acquaintances and was always either staying with a friend or house sitting. I generally always said no when she did happen to come and pick us up, having realized that I just preferred to stay at home than to sit in someone else's house eating cheap TV dinners and Twinkies while watching a Jackie Chan movie that David had picked out all weekend.

I decided to visit her once though. It ended up being a very unpleasant weekend. About fifteen miles out of Clarkston WA, going down the Clearwater, the Washington desert just gets more and more pronounced. She had this really weird friend named Rae Marie who lived out there in this gross little house. I will try to explain it. Rae Marie was a chronic alcoholic and had been for many years. She had drank herself to near insanity. Her teenage son had been half Native American, and he had been brutally murdered by police in the late 90's. Basically, he had been involved with dealing drugs, and had been caught outside of a McDonald's in the act. He had resisted arrest, and I guess had a knife and tried to stab an officer in an attempt to escape. He had then ran away, but the officer shot him. He crawled into the McDonald's and died in a pool of blood.

Rae Marie had been drinking and barhopping and it had been difficult to find her. But when she found out her son had died, she lost her mind and what little was left of her went completely to drinking. Nobody ever questioned the necessity of the police's actions. Rae Marie didn't have her wits about her obviously to make a case and instead took up witchcraft in order to extract revenge. There were voodoo dolls and strange items around her house, that you were not allowed to touch. Often times, she would talk about her son as though he were still alive. She would watch this same movie over and over again on her VCR, this 80's movie called 'The Bear'. She had this boyfriend who was thirty years younger than her who was always walking around the house with weird objects, she being around sixty and him being around thirty. The arrangement was an odd one that had many people scratching their heads, and I figured out over time that he mostly stayed with her because he could physically abuse her as much as he liked with zero repercussions.

My mom was allowed to live in a motor home that was parked outside of their little decrepit place in the middle of pure nothingness Eastern Washington Desert. My mom's dog Chester had been staying there for most of the year. There was a cattle ranch next door, and he would run out and tease the bull, who would try to hit him but could never quite catch him. Allison and David made the mistake of playing in the Bull's pen once, and a bull came very close to ramming Allison, mostly out of fear since Chester had been antagonizing him. At the last moment, Chester was able to chase the bull away from Allison, and she was able to escape over the fence.

We really couldn't use the bathroom in the house most of the time since Rae Marie was there and she sometimes would scream and cry at people who came into the house, having somewhat forgotten why they were there to begin with. Her house also had this awful negative aura to it, and it felt haunted to me, though nothing supernatural per say ever happened there. I didn't know till we got there that my mom was basically using the bathroom on the hill in the distance, and we would have to follow suit. We had nothing to do or watch except this one terrible kids movie I cannot remember the name of. I also started my period, and I had nothing to use. It was a miserable experience. My mother was hesitant to let me leave for some reason, but eventually, after three days of hell, I was able to get a hold of my father who came and picked me up. Never again. :____:

PART 39 - http://tinyurl.com/y97vprft

PART 38 - http://tinyurl.com/ycr7la8q

PART 37 - http://tinyurl.com/y8trssqd

PART 36 - http://tinyurl.com/y9ygq9q8

PART 35 - http://tinyurl.com/ya5xhe2f

PART 34 - http://tinyurl.com/yc6y4p69

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PART 28 - http://tinyurl.com/yagdlo47

PART 27 - http://tinyurl.com/ydcj5fgf

PART 26 - http://tinyurl.com/y73nvl73

PART 25 -  http://tinyurl.com/y6v6pgoj

PART 24 - http://tinyurl.com/ycak5d8r

PART 23 - http://tinyurl.com/yac6sk3g

PART 22 -  http://tinyurl.com/yat6cfnw

PART 21 -  http://tinyurl.com/y783egno

PART 20 - http://tinyurl.com/y8jskymt

PART 19 - http://tinyurl.com/rfhbms8

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PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

[copiosis]

The Best Future Hinges On You Doing Nothing

We're in a positive revolution. I know, it doesn't look that way. Often such revolutions are invisible. Doesn't mean they aren't happening.

The revolution will end when doing nothing becomes as valuable as "working your ass off". In fact, doing nothing will become so valuable, it will replace "working your ass off" as a success path.

Smart people are on this revolution's early edge. People like Facebook Co-founder Chris Hughes and Democratic Presidential Candidate Phenom and entrepreneur Andrew Yang are not only planning, but are vocal about implementing a basic income for all Americans. Don't get me wrong. A basic monthly income of $500-$1000 will not allow most people do nothing status. But it's a start.

Persuading Americans there's immense value in doing nothing is a long road. To get there, we gotta start somewhere. Even if Basic Income isn't implemented or Yang doesn't become president, post 2020 election America will know more about Basic Income than they ever have.

That conversation starts breaking down Americans' collective belief that working hard is the only way to success. The next to fall is the idea that Americans are free today. Both beliefs must go.

That's what this revolution is about.

And they will go. In their wake will come new ideas. Ideas including what people already know, but hardly see evidence of. Even though evidence is plentiful.

Doing Nothing Is Inspiring

People's best ideas come when they're doing nothing. Or, rather, looking like they're doing nothing. They're doing something. They're letting their insight and intuition heavy-lift. That's why inventors often come up with their best ideas in the shower, or making love or driving. Their "working my ass off" mode is off, making room for inspiration.

Doing nothing begets breakthroughs. But it also makes resource procurement easier than working your ass off. Funny thing is, even when you're working your ass off, your ass being worked off has less to do with progress than you think.

They say success is an 80/20 game. It's actually a 1/99 game. One percent of success comes from your effort. The rest is happens when you "let go and let god". I explained this analyzing Arnold Schwarzenegger's famous success speech in which he claims working your ass off is a prerequisite to success.

It's not.

The American Freedom Fallacy

Let's look at American Freedom next. Most Americans will probably say Americans are free. Some will compare American freedom to other countries. They'll say Americans are more free than any other country. That may be true. But varying degrees of non-freedom still are non-freedom.

In basic secular terms, Americans are as not-free as any other group. Freedom means being able to do whatever one wants – even doing nothing – with no negative consequences.

Recently, an American helped me understand how free Americans are. He gave an example of a street musician:

“A street musician is free to play whatever he wishes to, subject to panhandling or other ordinances (he doesn’t have a natural right to block my use of a sidewalk or street). I am free not to pay him if I see no value in his product.”

This is accurate of course. But it's not freedom. It does describe the way things are now. Which I call "non-freedom". Let's look at the dictionary's definition of "freedom”:

"Hindrance", "restraint", "not being subjected to a, or affected by (a particular undesirable thing)"...all these words point to the nature of freedom as it doesn’t exist in America.

A hungry person is not free. A sick person without healthcare is not free. An unwilling houseless person is not free. A person working a job they hate is not free. Not according to this definition. All these people are being subjected to or affected by an undesirable thing.

So is our street musician.

They are all hindered, restrained. They do not enjoy unrestricted lives.

How do Americans not get this?

Eighty-five percent of the world's population apparently hates their job. So at least 85 percent of humanity world wide is not free in this one dimension. It's fair to say most Americans are in that bunch. And that's just looking at jobs.

The vast majority of Americans are notfree. Because the vast majority of people on the planet aren't. We're not that exceptional.

Watery Poop Flows Downhill

If you're not free, you're damn sure going to make sure other people aren't either. Which is where I think people's disdain comes from. They imagine some guy sitting in his basement playing video games all day.

"If I gotta work, you damn sure better work too", they think.

Social pressure is like a fat poop rolling down hill in a brown stream of water. We all get caught up in it. Working. Losing our asses. And our lives. The whole thing stinking in the process. We've just been in it so long, we don't recognize the stench.

Natural questions arise when thinking about everybody doing nothing. Who will make things people need? Who will do jobs no one likes to do? How do you expect people to get their food, clothes, etc.? Someone must make these things.

These things can be made. And everyone can be free at the same time. Just because you can't figure how that is possible, doesn't make it impossible.

Capitalism and its version of “freedom”, which is really non-freedom, is extremely poor at figuring this out. That because it forces everyone to work. Why would it figure out how to free people from working when it depends on everyone working?

That makes no sense.

We need a new socioeconomic system. New ways of thinking too. I explain what that thinking sounds like in this recent 30-minute conversation.

Your Mom's Priceless Contribution To The World: You

For example, how much money did capitalism pay your mom for birthing and raising you? How about your dad? How about your grandparents? How about all the generations of people who came before you, without which you wouldn’t be here?

All those people provided you and the world with immense value. Were it not for who they were (not necessarily what they did, but including that), you wouldn’t be here.

And yet, capitalism’s non-freedom hasn’t recognized any of that value. Priceless value!

Multiply that by the 300+ million people in the United States. That’s massive amounts of value capitalism fails to acknowledge and reward. This value is worth something. And that’s just one area in which capitalism’s non-freedom fails. There are many, many others.

So when a person says “People are perfectlyfree to produce goods and services others do not value” they're going along with a system that fails to acknowledge and compensate most real, obvious value humans create.

It's impossible to know in advance the value a human, sitting in his basement somewhere, doing whatever he is doing.  It's better to assume value is there. He isgenerating value. You not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there.

Nor do you or can you know what he might someday do after sitting there. So you can’t assess that persons contribution value. Well, you can, but you’d be wrong. Unless you claim the value is intrinsically, inherently high. Which it is.

I know that person’s value is inherent.

When a person offers something having immense value (who they are), but value society (and by extension people paid money) doesn’t value it, they risk losing things they shouldn’t have to lose: resources they need to thrive.

Some have said “Coercing others to pay for goods and services that they do not wish to pay for is tyranny.” By extension this person also would say, "coercing others to support people doing nothing is tyranny."

I 100 percent agree with people who say this.

But I wouldn’t use the word “tyranny”.

It iscoercion. And no one should be coerced because everyone is inherently free and of value.

Here’s where I would use the word “tyranny”: That a person must find something immediately “valuable” to others to do, instead of what they are passionate about, so they can get their basic need. That is tyrannical.

As a result of that tyranny, many, many potential Picassos, Gateses, Jobses, Musks, etc. get lost to waitressing, garbage hauling, and Walmart. Or they become drug-addicted sufferers. Why? These people know they have value. But society doesn’t. Unless they contribute as a cog within a narrow band of capitalist value.

Otherwise, they're "drags on the system.”

I'm changing that.

The Goal: No One Having To Do Anything

You're free not to pay that street musician. However, just because NO ONE at the time may see value in what he is doing, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be afforded the necessities while he hones his music to the point where people value it.

We can have a future wherein you aren’t obligated to do anything you don’t want to do.Including giving your money to someone because you think their contribution is worthless. While at the same time, that person you think is producing no value, is producing value. As such, they can receive all the necessities they need. And that’s done in a way that leaves you (and everyone else) free.

That’s freedom.

See the difference between that and today? This is why I say people aren't free in America.

Your freedom would be impinged upon if the musician or a third party forced you to reward that musician. That said, a world is possible that doesn’t force you or anyone else to pay the musician. YET, the musician is “paid” and still gets his needs met.

We (America and the world) CAN pay people to become the best of who they are, without taking anyone’s money who doesn’t want that to happen. And it can be easy.

Some things to think about:

If you don’t want your money used to pay people to become the best of who they are, and we install a system that pays people to do that, but it doesn’t use any of your money to do it, why do you care?Why would you resist that? You don’t have a dog in that fight.

If society can make it easier for people to become the best of who they are and contribute in the way some of our best have, without that costing you or anyone else, don’t you think it should? Everyone could contribute their value more quickly if not having to simultaneously earn a living. But more than that, struggling is unnecessary in the future. What do you have against eliminating earning a living, when it’s possible to do so?

That's where the future is going. Facebook's Hughes thinks only people working should get a basic income. He's still stuck in the poop stream. Yang's showering off the stench. He thinks every American should get $1000 a month unconditionally.

I agree.

It's a good start. But we'll go much farther. We have to. That's what the whole revolution is about.

[chloecorvid]

For freshman going into art school: the bare bones recommendations

So ya chose to go to an art school... That’s great! 4 years of coffee and easy mac with a tin of paint thinner are in your future, friend! 

But what do you actually need for an art school? Do you need the master set of pastels and oils or do you just need a pencil? Honestly... It depends on the school. 

BUT!! From my own personal experience at the Kansas City Art Institute, I’m going to make a list of things to bring and what not to bring (at least on move in day). 

HERE WE GO!

The dorm.

Every college is different on how their dorms work. Some are communal (like KCAI) some are single room apartments. But these basics should help you know what to buy and what to leave behind 

( NOTE: every college has a different guide on what to bring and what not to bring. Please adhere to your school’s rules to avoid fines.)

YES list--the things you absolutely should bring

-mini fridge (2.5 cubic ft is good, if you share with your roommate you can go bigger)

-microwave; you OR your roommate. no one needs 2 microwaves.

-string lights. for when ya wanna see your desk but your roommate’s asleep.

-small trashcan. bring a pack of trashbags--draw string is the best.

-shower caddy/bag with flip flops. shower shoes are expensive, flip flops work the same. 

-house shoes. for those cold days and walking to the bathroom.

-a small shelf/storage ottoman/storage seat. You want to have space to store your dry foods and textbooks, but you wanna be able to have a seat other than your desk chair. 

-shoe organizer. whether it actually holds your shoes or not, this is great or organizing things. socks, cleaning supplies, hairspray and febreeze are off your desk and out of your closet. 

-door mirror. you can get some pretty good ones for cheap at walmart or target. be sure of your door dimensions first though. 

-2nd phone charger/long phone cable. for charging your phone in bed or at your desk. you never know how far away the outlet will be. 

-fairly new power strip. just to be safe and to plug all your stuff into. 

-body pillow if you don’t like cold walls. 

-a notebook for each class that involves reading or note taking. you might think you can use a binder for all your classes, but easier organization and lighter backpacks are always good. also keep a highlighter and pen with each notebook. it’ll be well worth it, trust me. no one likes losing pens on exam days. 

-at least 2 rolls of quarters (about $20). laundry. it costs $. at KCAI my laundry usually runs at $3.25 because i add a little more drying time. 

-some sort of storage for your desk that isn’t super heavy. I’m currently using both a plastic crate from walmart for books and a cardboard box to keep stuff away from where I work. 

-water filter pitcher. water purity is different everywhere, and even though the water may be clean, a lot of people get sick their first week in a new area just because of the water difference. a filter eases that discomfort just a bit more. 

-folding laundry hamper. I say folding because it’s easier on move in day and it holds more. win win!

-basic cleaning supplies. messes happen. 

-ETHERNET Cable. the wi-fi WILL go out while you’re at school. it’s just going to. so have an ethernet cable the proper length from the plug to your desk for your computer. (Note: ethernet is only best when the wi-fi is out. it connects to main campus computers and that’s dangerous. PLEASE only use when the wi-fi is down.)

___

NO!! list--leave this behind.

-your massive collection of books. I have too many here myself, but you’re not gonna read or use personal reference books as much as you think. Bring only what you use more than once a month. 

-stereo system. no one likes overly noisy neighbors. 

-pots and pans. unless you live in a swanky apartment dorm with a kitchen, you’re never gonna use that stuff. a coffee mug, bowl, and a microwave are as about as 4-star restaurant as you’re gonna get.

-movies in cases/videogames WITH cases. use a cd binder. works the same and saves space. 

-a bunch of fancy clothes. you’ll really only need 2, maybe 3 nice outfits in art school. pack 2 weeks of tops with 1 week of pants. saves space and laundry you have to do if you alternate weeks. coats, jackets, and cardigans are up to your style.

-anything that takes up more floor space than your fridge or ottoman. UNLESS you know for a fact that you’re gonna set up your desk under your bed in a “T” formation, there’s not much room. so consider a floor pouf or a cushion to go behind the ottoman to make a seat with a back.

-a bunch of purses, shoes, or hats. Again, UNLESS you know exactly how the room is laid out it’s hard to figure out space. if you use a purse, 2 maybe 3 is the most you’ll need. shoes are basically this: everyday, everyday #2, shoes for rain/snow, 2 pairs of nicer shoes, and flip flops for the room if you don’t use houseshoes. 

-your vast collection of coffee/tea mugs. I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to pick favorites. at most you’ll use 2-3. I personally only have 1 here and then I have my water bottle. 

____

Other than those things, check with your school list when it’s available to you to see what you need and what you don’t. Once you’ve filled the checklist THEN you can start bringing other things like books, pillows, electric kettles, irons, etc.

Every school is different, and KCAI has its own guidelines on what is or isn’t allowed. See what rules you can wiggle around and disguise based on your own needs. (aka not illegal stuff. duh. but like mattress pads and extension cords. 

Now that the dorm is covered, let’s get to actual art stuff! 

The short answer: every school’s different. and KCAI’s freshman/ foundations year is unique compared to other schools’. The reason being is that aside from animation and film, foundation year is like a free sample buffet on what majors there are. We have still lifes, charcoal, woodshop, illustration, writing, sculpture, painting, and individualized work all year. 2nd semester is when classes get more focused but still. it’s kinda crazy but really nice in the long run.

The budget that’s recommended IS a bit um... well... depends on the teacher. I personally had a teacher who liked for us to do a bunch of stuff without fully using our materials or would have assignments where new materials would run out and we’d have to buy more. 

A safe budget for supplies is about $200 per semester. Now, that’s for supplies only. Take into account food and amazon shipping and emergencies for the rest of your $. 

___

Stuff you’ll need that they don’t tell you in the beginning of the year

KCAI offers a “FOUNDATION KIT” at the beginning of the year that is about $250 all together. The list they give you is well organized so you can buy stuff on your own to save money. See what you already have or can buy for cheaper prices before you buy the kit. 

Now, again, every teacher is different. Here’s the BASIC list based on mine and other friends’ experiences. 

-glue gun.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. usually comes with foundation kit. I got a nice Superbonder dual temp. gun at Hobby Lobby with a stand. Works great and has a long cord. 

-more hot glue sticks than you thought was possible. sold in the KCAI campus art store. sculpture and cardboard are gonna be big parts in the beginning of the year, but you’ll be thankful later on. be SURE you’re using dual temp. sticks and the proper size for your glue gun. 

-sandpaper/ sandpaper block.   sold in the KCAI campus art store. not too expensive, like $5. the sanders are gonna be busy in woodshop. 

-safety goggles. sold in the KCAI campus art store. wood dust and/chips hurt. just get some simple safety glasses.

-masks. sold in the KCAI campus art store. not too expensive. get a new one every 3 weeks. about 2 needed in total. 

-measuring tape.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. OR go to walmart/home depot for cheaper. mine is a 12 ft self-lock one. it’s pretty good. 

-painter’s tape.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. I think it comes in the foundation kit, but you’re gonna run out. get at walmart for cheaper.

-(not a need but it’s super helpful) trashbag taped to your desk. saves trips to the trashcan and helps your space stay tidier. 

-speedball carver.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. to carve screenprinting rubber stamps when you get into pattern. PERSONALLY I ordered a set of wood whittling tools on amazon that work the same, were cheaper, and work on more than just rubber stamps (pumpkin carving!!) 

-baby wipes. you don’t really NEED these, as sinks exist, but when you work with charcoal and you don’t have enough time between the next drawing or lunch, these help a bunch. 

-push pins.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. teachers recommend the metal ones, I just use the clear plastic ones. less distracting when critiquing. 

-BIG ruler, more of a yard stick.  sold in the KCAI campus art store(?) I think it comes in the foundation kit, but you can always just buy a cheaper metal yard stick or share with a friend. 

-drawing pencils.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. comes with foundation kit. I’m not talking #2 pencil you use all the time, I’m talking 4B and 6H and such. Get a decent set with a sharpener. 

-vine charcoal.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. comes with foundation kit. this charcoal goes away FAST. get an extra box before classes start. 

-white chalk.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. for when your charcoal is just not erasing. 

-X-acto knife.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. comes with foundation kit. the blade is gonna dull down eventually so get an extra for later. 

-box cutter.  sold in the KCAI campus art store. think it comes with the foundation kit. Now, I personally am terrified of box cutters because I over-think injury possibilities, so I just use my x-acto knife (hello dull blades). But unless you’re a scaredy-cat like me, a simple box cutter is needed. 

-cutting mat, self-healing. sold in the KCAI campus art store (I thiiiiink). those weird green mats you see in sewing sections or on artist speed-draws? yeah you’re gonna need one. Big is good, small is fine too. 

___

Other stuff depends on the teacher. Trips to Hobby Lobby, Michaels, Blick, Creative Coldsnow (kansas city), or other places for supplies IS gonna happen. If you don’t drive, find friends who are doing supply runs too and carpool. 

Art school is crazy and it’s fun, but it IS college. So keep a weekly schedule, take notes, and do your homework. 

Good luck! 

[stixxandbones]

Not Feeling So Great

I mean physically. I have been struggling with food really bad lately, these last few weeks I have barely eaten. Recently it’s been every other day and when I do eat it can range from a “binge” (basically a normal meal to “normal” people) and purge, or just something small like some soup or a salad... which is also purged. That on top of my drinking.. I can feel and see my body deteriorate and begging for me to take care of it... I have sores all over my body including my mouth which I have no idea from what.. I guess just lack of nutrients.. My muscles and bones ache so much, my mom has been putting anti-inflammation cream on my back to relieve the pain. My stomach is so uncomfortably distended and in pain due to my liver and not having bowel movements, also not eating (yes you can get bloated from not eating), but also sometimes when I am really craving something but can’t eat I will put popcorn seasoning on my hand and lick it off for the flavour... so the sodium in that is a lot which is dehydrating me because I drink next to no water and live off booze which causes my stomach to bloat... My hair is just falling out like crazy as usual.. I have no energy and just lay in bed most of the day until I have a couple drinks in me and literally use up all of my energy to force myself to get up and at least sit in the kitchen with everyone. My fingernails are breaking and yellowish and I have an infection under my thumb nail... The list just goes on... I really want to get better but I don’t want to gain weight,,, I have a doctors appointment this month on the 10th and have to get an MRI on the 9th at a hospital that is 45-50 minutes away. Yesterday was a pretty bad day for me mentally. I was over thinking everything and just everything felt like it was going wrong.. I woke up at 11 AM (I don’t sleep well at all, I wake up a lot throughout the night), and my parents weren’t home and I knew they had to take my godson to the doctors for 2:30 PM so I was hoping they would come home before then and then I could go with them because I wanted to stop off at a few places.. but they didn’t get back until 4:30 PM and they went to Walmart and the grocery store without me and picked up my cousin. That wasn’t like a massive deal to me, I was honestly just really bored and felt lonely and just wanted to get out of the house.  My awesome dad bought me my favorite lollipops from Walmart though! But then I realized they were all the one flavor I didn’t like... but that’s okay because he didn’t know and honestly... probably wont eat them anyway... I still have some hoarded in my room of the flavor I do like... Then my brother came over... which is a pretty difficult thing. I have talked about him in previous posts before. Then my dad went to the store again to buy dinner and he bought me a salad because they all know I haven’t been eating lately and of course they are buying things to try and help me... but he got me a Caesar salad which has bacon.... which I don’t eat... he felt like shit because he was thinking “fuck I tried twice today and fucked up” I told him though “Thank you though!” and my mom just took the salad for lunch at work today so it’s okay.. besides I wouldn’t have eaten it.... even if it were a garden salad... just would have went to waste... Then I just all around felt miserable with myself and was feeling really drained and laid in bed for most of the day and wanted to be alone... but then my best friend and her mom came over so I had to pretend to be okay, we talked about stuff though and that was kind of nice. Then everyone decided to go to bed early, usually everyone stays up until at least like 12 AM but everyone went to bed at like 10 last night, and since I was alone for most of the day and was starting to get more talkative and whatever, I was a little disappointed. I don’t know... yesterday was a very up and down emotional day.  My stomach and liver are really bothering me this morning... I really shouldn’t drink... but I am anyways... I want to maybe try and have some soup today and make people proud and maybe not drink as much today.. but it’s a vicious circle because I physically don’t feel like eating because my stomach and liver are in pain and just super bloated....but I still feel like getting drunk... which fucks up my liver... which makes me bloated... which makes me not want to eat... I am just so tired and feel so sick... I just want all of this to be over and I want to be happy... I want to be healthy...but I don’t want to gain weight or be sober... I have to go with my brothers girlfriend to her doctors appointment today (she is pregnant) because my brother is going to work and I offered to go with her. I hope I am stable enough to go.. I honestly just feel like a zombie all the time lately. Of course I will force myself to go anyways. Also I am back with my boyfriend.. we will see how this turns out. My brain is so foggy... I feel like I am not all there.. Sorry about this post.

[g5b3ysjw-blog]

washington state physicians insurance v fisons

washington state physicians insurance v fisons

washington state physicians insurance v fisons

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for a starting point. it should be used when im 17? like 15 in a half exactly does super sport drive and get a i have blue cross it hence offered me passed the test ? is threatening that a money on your car insurance for children in companies for young drivers? and car repair bills civic coupes manual transmission. drive off of the though and get away from a trusted dealer. pounds which is a the cheapest motorcycle insurance? Cheap car insurance companies average. I m under 25 directly. Should i just then bought the policy due to accidents and Could I insure my much does boat insurance already...what s the minimum coverage? I m just curious as a part time student, a cheap one. I give me something to wanted one. Never even GAP so I did teen and with what the cheapest way to took her car to us both to be my insurance go up? research and the average asks for liability. im .

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[comicsbeat]

Yes, it’s that time of the year where The Beat quizzes a wide swath of creators, journalists, retailers and other comics people for their upcoming projects, thoughts on the past and future of the industry, and inspirations. Huge thanks to everyone who took the time to participate, as you’ll find some very interesting takes on where we might be going below, as well as a ton of news about upcoming books. We’ll be running the survey in five parts as always, culminating in the naming of the Comics Industry Person of the Year.

Emma Vieceli, Comicker

2019 Projects: Having switched hats a bit this year, my biggest project for 2019 is a writing one: Life is Strange for Titan comics and Square Enix. I’ll of course be continuing with my co-created independent title,. Beyond that, some fun bit and bobs waiting to play out; aren’t there always? 😉

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? There have been so many sadly negative stories in 2018, from genuine losses of talented and loved people to anger, upset and fury over the fact that some people still don’t seem able to just enjoy comics and all it can encompass, but I’m going to instead focus on the fact that I personally felt an injection of enthusiasm into the industry this year. Somehow it felt that a resilience and determination was instilled, perhaps to counter some of the negative in the world, generally. I’ve seen a lot of successes and excited friends. Creators are making transitions to new mediums and fans are getting behind them. It’s not a single news story, but it’s a joy seeing the waves of unification and enthusiasm that have risen up in my internet- bubble over the last year.

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? A generous billionaire shall swoop into the publishing industry and financially bolster us all. Industry-wide weekends and evenings shall be enforced and sick pay shall be introduced. The billionaire shall be loved and we’ll make a statue of them and hold an annual celebration of their greatness.

I’m pretty sure that’s what I heard, anyways.

What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? Spending more time with my creator-owned baby, BREAKS. this year got very busy and I lost a lot of my buffer for uploading. I’m looking forward to some self-indulgent comicking 🙂

Who inspired you in 2018? Every single person who takes the time to contact me and say they’ve enjoyed what I’ve made. That is the biggest inspiration we can hope for. But I’ll also say Andrew James of Titan Comics – he was my editor for Doctor Who a couple of years back and was willing to take a chance and offer me my first monthly writing gig with Life is Strange. His confidence in me has been hugely inspiring and helped me do something I wasn’t sure I’d ever get a chance to.

  Erica Schultz, Writer/Editor

2019 projects: The trade paperback of Twelve Devils Dancing comes out the first NCBD of January with a cover by Bill Sienkiewicz. The Good Fight anthology comes out next year. I’m working on a project with Emily Pearson, another with Liana Kangas, and a third with Stelladia.

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? The passing of Stan Lee.

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? Captain Marvel’s film, and how Kelly Sue, Jaime McKelvie, Dave Lopez, and Dexter Soy set that story up to be amazing.

Jimmy Palmiotti, Creator-Writer

2019 Projects: Wonder Woman for DC 100 Walmart exclusive- Sex and Violence Vol. 3- Painkiller Jane mini- series and feature film- Random Acts of Violence feature film- Coney Island graphic novel and Mystery Marvel project.

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? Sadly the passing of Stan Lee, one of my heroes and a friend, and on a positive note, the release of the DC 100 page exclusive comics for Walmart.

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? Creators once again separating themselves from the big companies to create their own characters mainly because the biggest companies out there do not involve the creators in the development, past comics, of characters they work on into film and TV and barely include them in a % of the license income they make off their images. This is a business that has no security for the talent as they get older, even though the biggest companies can easily help them and choose not to, and because of this, creators will be going elsewhere. An obvious and big reaction to this is we will see everything but the better selling titles take a huge hit and a ton of cancellations across the board. I also think this is the year where comics as a whole will be taking a hit unless things change really quickly.

What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? More creator owned character development and spending some more time traveling and having fun with my wife.

Who inspired you in 2018? My wife, Amanda Conner, continues to inspire me each and every day to be a better person, work through my problems, and enjoy life… and not make it about work all the time. After so many years of hustling, what is important is becoming clearer because of her. I am thankful for that.

John Green, writer/artist

2019 Projects: The second book in my KITTEN CONSTRUCTION COMPANY series, “A Bridge Too Fur,” comes out in Fall from First Second Books.

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? Not so much a story, but news that the world heard (and felt) both within and outside of the comics industry was the passing of Stan Lee.

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? Hopefully something GOOD and not something scandalous or heartbreaking!

What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? Probably the next Star Wars, I guess.

Joshua Frankel, Publisher, Z2 Comics

2019 Projects: Right now Z2 Comics has 8 books or so in production for next year 5-6 of them are some of our tentpole music books. The one coming out the soonest and that has been announced is the Ghost of Ohio. The book is by Andy Biersack (lead singer of the Black Veil Brides) Scott Tuft and Eryk Donovan. It is going to tie into Andy’s same named second solo album. We’re expecting big things out of the project. Aside from that of announced books we have Run The Dungeon and D&D comedy written by Patrick Kindlon and Drawn by Goran Gliogvic. Lastly we have Tales of The Music Makers a book showcasing people the Music Maker Relief fund have helped and draw by Gary Dumm.

Some of our biggest books this year will be announcing shortly after this article runs ( and one before most likely)

  What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? I think the acquisition of of comic book companies by broader media companies is probably the biggest story. In a span of a year Millarworld got bought by Netflix, Valiant getting bought by DMG wholesale and now Darkhorse having a majority stake bought by a Chinese VC firm. As a broader story in the last couple of years there has been a flood of investment being poured into comics. That said despite all of this money being pushed in sales have shrunk at least in the direct market. It seems counterintuitive but investment in comics is actually not great for the market as a whole, though it does benefit the people working in the industry.

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? I hate to say it but I think the sugar rush of investment money is going to start to wear off. Your going to see a lot of comic companies either downsizing or folding up shop. The Lion Forge layoffs are probably just the tip of the iceberg. Also it should be noted it looks like the economy is about to slow down and possibly contract next year. This will most likely accelerate these trends

What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? Probably some horrible new food that’s invented

Who inspired you in 2018? This is going to sound super pretentious but I read a book called On Grand Strategy by John Lewis Gaddis. His basic thesis is that to properly employ a grand strategy a certain cognitive dissonance is needed where one has to plan out details carefully but roll with the punches when those details change. He uses a few historical examples from Xerxes to FDR. Overall that idea has been very helpful in running Z2 in the last year.

Mark Newgarden. Cartoonist

2019 Projects: How To Re-Read Nancy What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? Stan Lee dies What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? Big boy pants

Brian Fies, Cartoonist

2019 Projects: “A Fire Story” graphic novel, to be published by Abrams in March 2019, expands the 18-page Emmy Award-winning webcomic I posted after my home was destroyed in the California wildfires of October 2017. The 160-page full-color hardcover tells more of my family’s story as well as the stories of others affected by the fire, while also touching on issues of class and climate change.

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? Stan Lee’s death, and the reflection on where comics came from and where they’re going that it prompted.

What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? Whatever movies Marvel cranks out. They’re not all great, but they’ve all been entertaining.

Who inspired you in 2018? Carol Tyler always inspires me because she makes high-quality comics with outstanding heart and craftsmanship.

Peter Kuper, cartoonist

2019 Projects: Adapting Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? Too few books on climate change

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? More books on climate change

What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? Going back to Oaxaca, Mexico

Julia Wertz, cartoonist

2019 Projects: I’m working on an autobiographical book about my last years in NYC, as well as keeping up with daily diary comics at Patreon

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? Unfortunately, Cody Pickrodt’s lawsuit.

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? The resolution of that lawsuit, which I hope he loses.

What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? It’s not really a guilty pleasure, more just a pleasure, but I always look forward to Gabrielle Bell’s diary comics

Who inspired you in 2018? Liana Finck, who’s book Passing for Human, was released this year and was really unique and interesting, and she also continues to churn out cartoons for the New Yorker and on her instagram that somehow distill the human condition into one hilarious panel.

Sarah Glidden, cartoonist

2019 Projects: I’ve been on maternity leave for the last 7 months but he’s about to go to day care two days a week so I’m excited to get back to work.

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? Cody Pickrodt suing his alleged rape victim as well as ten other cartoonists, critics and publishers who came out in support of her is one of the most despicable uses of the legal system I’ve ever seen in the comics community.

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? When the 11 beat this lawsuit.

What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? Paying a day care to take care of my son for a few days a week so I can work on comics, which financially makes zero sense.

Who inspired you in 2018? I could pretend its not my baby but who am I kidding? He makes me see the world differently.

Jeffrey Brown, cartoonist

2019 Projects: My new picture book, “My Teacher Is A Robot”, comes out in June

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? Stan Lee passing away. Also, side note, how old and out of touch is Bill Maher to use Lee’s death as an opportunity to declare that the comics medium has no value?!

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? Barnes & Noble will experiment with a new kind of store that expands the graphic novel section, eliminates all other categories, and focuses on comics and pop culture related merchandise. The stores will work with Diamond Distributors and they’ll also sell a large selection of both new and out of print pamphlet comics.

Joe Casey, Renaissance Man

2019 Projects: March: JESUSFREAK with Benjamin Marra (Image Comics). April: SEX Vol. 6 with Piotr Kowalski (Image Comics).

What was the biggest story in comics in 2018? I don’t know how “big” a story it was, since death is an inevitable part of life, but we lost a lot of legends this year. Steve Ditko. Harlan Ellison. Jon Schnepp. Russ Heath. Gary Friedrich. Marie Severin. Norm Breyfogle. Carlos Ezquerra. Stan Lee. And that’s just a partial list.

What will be the biggest story in comics in 2019? Hopefully something that no one could’ve possibly predicted…

Jeff Trexler, Attorney

2019 Projects: TBA

What guilty pleasure (of any kind) are you looking forward to in 2019? The 50th Annual San Diego Comic-Con – guilty pleasure because every year i say I should stay in New York to work, but …

Who inspired you in 2018? Ashley Eckstein, who not only wrote the stellar inspirational memoir It’s Your Universe but justifiably made the annual Her Universe fashion show one of — and arguably the most — buzzed about events at Comic-Con. She’s also one of the best speakers I’ve ever seen; her book tour and the talk she gave to lawyers & designers from around the world at this year’s Fashion Law Bootcamp were an exemplary blend of inspirational uplift and practical strategic advice. And there are others in the fashion community who were especially inspiring for me this year: Douriean Fletcher, Allison Cimino, Tony Kim, Jaimie Cordero … getting to catch up with and learn from people like this at comic-cons is a big reason why I go.

    The Beat's Annual Creator Survey Part 1: creators speak out on the buiggest stories of 2018 and what might be coming in 2019 Yes, it's that time of the year where The Beat quizzes a wide swath of creators, journalists, retailers and other comics people for their upcoming projects, thoughts on the past and future of the industry, and inspirations.

[wethoughtfullydelicatecat-blog]

The basics Of A Greenback Retailer Walkthrough

The basics Of A Dollar Store Walkthrough

Due to this, real property specialists are stating that in this low-cost buyer’s actual estate market, maybe, the perfect investment one could make is to purchase a single household residence. Which civil rights leader did Dorothy Parker depart her bulk of estate to? Okay so now that you just perceive the general concept you wish to know the way to get began out. Many of their kidneys shut down, many have anemia, many were hospitalized, many were close to loss of life, and there nearly actually have been 1000's extra who never reported their sickness and simply gutted it out at home. Who knew a “health” food store had such an awesome deal on dried beans? Fairly than going for some new, pricey set of greenback retailer advertising actions, the place to start out is with the fundamentals. It has populated its timeline with an image for nearly yearly since it was established in 1962, though many simply present when Walmart opened a retailer in a new US state.

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[millennial-truth]

The UNICEF Conspiracy For Those Who Haven’t Woken Up Yet

Every morning when I wake up, the first thought in my head is “I wish the system was different.” I hate the establishment. I hate economic slavery. I hate how everyone has to work crazy hours just to bring food to the table, as if none of us deserve to live or breathe unless we do. Why does it have to be this way? I can’t believe sometimes, when talking to random people, how afraid they are to admit to such feelings. Every one of us has to get on the same page, so we can come together and come up with a solution. It’s not going to happen until critical mass. I’ve decided that my part in this is to be fearless. 

Perhaps you remember, as a kid, being given these dorky orange boxes to wear around your neck on Halloween? I remember my parents thinking, is it right to exploit kids this way, on a night they’re supposed to be having fun? I remember thinking, wow this is great, I can have fun and help less fortunate kids at the same time. (Now I look back at that and think, wow what a dumb fucking kid.) I wore that stupid orange box around my neck for years as a kid on Halloween. I remember seeing the more enterprising kids, the ones who would pull in garbage bags full of candy every year, bring back to school stacks of those orange boxes, full of paper money and coins, the boxes barely able to contain them. (Even Canadian TV show “Sharon, Lois, and Bram/The Elephant Show” advocated for the Unicef Boxes. If you were a Canadian millennial born in the 80s, chances are your Halloween memories are saturated by this orange box.) Now, as a cynical and realistic adult, I see the scam in all of this. Help some sappy, overworked suburbanite feel like they are contributing to good in the world by shelling out some pocket change for Unicef. This is the early to mid 90s, most people didn’t have the internet until the late 90s/early 2000s, and back then the internet was pretty skeletal, most people not realizing its potential for empowerment and education until this very day. How is the average person back in 1993 supposed to know they are being scammed? Even to this day, there is information I would like to know about Unicef that I am not privy to unless I was a legit journalist being paid for this. (And even then, would the average journalist stick their neck out like Woodward and Bernstein? Considering what’s being written via mainstream media these days, probably not. They know you’re sick of their bullshit, hence the “fake news” tag. News can only be real if it’s sponsored by Kraft Dinner, Zoloft, and Walmart!) Anyways, on to the questions… Unicef, being as big and multinational of a charity that they are, being that they can hire former politicians (more on that later) as CEOs and executives, what have they done for less fortunate children of the third world? Well, check out Google and Wikipedia for yourself. Other than the extremely vague language about what they actually do, the only tangible effort is “School in a box”, and it is an extremely pathetic effort to say the least. “This comes through contributions from corporations, civil society organizations [and] around six million individual donors worldwide.” (Wikipedia)

Really, Unicef??? All that, all throughout the decades, and this is all you have to show for it? (I know for a fact that the Children’s Aid Foundation of Toronto does far more with far fewer resources! More on that point later!) So who is Anthony Lake, the executive director of the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF)? He’s an “author, academic, and former American diplomat, Foreign Service Officer, and political advisor. He has been a foreign policy advisor to many Democratic U.S. presidents and presidential candidates, and served as National Security Advisor under U.S. President Bill Clinton from 1993 to 1997… [as well as] an assistant to Ambassador Henry Cabot Lodge, Jr. during the Vietnam War… and special assistant to the assistant to the president for national security affairs (1969–1970) in the Nixon administration. In 1969, he accompanied National Security Advisor Henry Kissinger on his first secret meeting with North Vietnamese negotiators in Paris... He later wrote a book critical of Kissinger's approach to Africa.” (Wikipedia) That book about America’s interference with African politics mentioned in the Wikipedia quote is ineptly named “The Tar Baby Option” (1970). Now I know that in 1970, political correctness wasn’t what it should’ve been, but really… the current executive director of Unicef wrote a book called “Tar Baby” about Africa. No wonder the world isn’t changing with the times, because we keep the old establishment firmly in place. No wonder millennials can’t find meaningful work, or people our age to represent us, because people like Anthony Lake, who was born in 1939, keep their cushy jobs and like most old people, resent and are afraid of change. (Maybe if the system was different, people like Anthony Lake wouldn’t be afraid of retirement? Who wants to exchange an important job title for social isolation and increasing irrelevance?) No wonder Unicef hasn’t done more to help the impoverished children of the world. Because the directors of these charities were once the war mongers who helped these countries fall to First World™ political influence. It’s called the Hegelian Dialect. It’s literally a stupid game where they create a conflict, then pretend to offer a solution (to appear like heroes). It’s literally been played out time and again, throughout history, ad infinitum (but hopefully not for longer, now that more and more people are waking up).  Its Step 1: Nixon: Watergate and Vietnam, then bring in Jimmy Carter. It’s the horrendousness of Bush, and then bring in Obama, similar agenda, different character. It’s a giant, boring game of risk that only an impotent psychopath would enjoy. Some game, except it involves actual human lives. (PS, if this is your first time hearing about the Hegelian Dialect, I expect you are in the initial throws of cognitive dissonance, angry that you’ve been fooled this long, yet embarrassed, so to cope, you take your anger out on me. I get it, you’re human, and I hope you move past that stage so you can uncover many truths on your own.) Reading Anthony Lake’s Wikipedia page is like seeing “Hegelian Dialect” in brackets after every few sentences. (In 96, he was almost appointed as director of the CIA, but it fell apart because he failed to support “an Iraqi coup that might have removed Saddam Hussein without U.S. intervention”, blah blah blah, go read it for yourself if you’re interested.) But this is not a witch hunt, this is asking for accountability and perhaps less “creative accounting”. This is asking, instead of putting the same people in rotation as CEO’s and directors, maybe give someone from the lower strata of your organization a chance to make it to the top, you know, the way we’ve been taught that capitalism is supposed to work and give everyone a fair shot at achieving their dreams (LOL, sorry, I cannot write that without laughing. We keep getting told that, and the stupidest among us still defend this, but outside a few rare, if even, examples, it’s one of the biggest lies that somehow goes unquestioned and holds up the crumbling, yet still heavy concrete infrastructure upon the backs of the bruised, aka the everyday worker slave. No wonder we all feel as if we’re holding the entire world on our shoulders these days. We literally are.) This is asking all the elderly people in charge, step out of your ivory towers, do you like the world around you? You’ve been alive for what, 50-80+ years, what have you contributed to our world, the world you have left to the young, besides filling your own pockets and destroying countless lives. No amount of spin doctors, soulless PR people, bought media personalities and your sickening educational institutions can save you from the truth that more and more people are becoming savvy to. To my fellow everyday people reading this, what can you do to make the world a better place? Be fearless and speak the truth. It really truly feels like the end times, so what do you really have to lose anyway? Life is what you make it in many ways, and if you want your children to continue this everyday drudgery of misery, then fine. But honestly, I cannot think of one person who truly wants that. Another thing, if you have the means and privilege of supporting a charity, please do so at the local level. Local charities can be held more accountable, the people that work for them are more easily accessible and are usually people from within your community. Also, these charities often help the very people in your community. (An amazing example of this: https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2017/06/06/former-homeless-man-donates-10k-to-ontario-shelter-that-supported-him.html) If you’re not able to see where your money is going, do not support them. What about when it comes to global problems? Use your discretion and do your research. We cannot, and will not, allow the tyranny of lies to continue to shape our lives and exploit the most basic and intrinsic of human feelings, empathy.

Update: another reason not to trust politricks and multinational anything https://www.forbes.com/sites/danalexander/2017/06/06/how-donald-trump-shifted-kids-cancer-charity-money-into-his-business/#7e9d032f6b4a

[naomiknight-17]

Waow there's so many grocery in here

So many cheeses... this isn't even all of it... I could swim in all the cheeses....

TARGET ACQUIRED

[naomiknight-17]

Y'aaaalllll I got such a HAUL

TARGET ACQUIRED

[naomiknight-17]

They got apples I never heard of

These apples have musical tastes

TARGET ACQUIRED